Black Girl in Love - Book Review

This is the book every Black woman should read, share copies of and commit to reading, reflecting and journaling through on a regular basis.  Trey Anthony writes with courage and vulnerability about her personal experiences of trying to meet the unrealistic expectations from family and society at large.  She decodes the paradoxical messages – spoken and unspoken – imposed on Black women that serve to keep them enslaved by multiple, clamoring demands. 

Black women, who are often the primary caregivers in nuclear and extended families, are mandated to create safe spaces for everyone while not being allowed to create the same haven for themselves.  There is a clear lack of sympathy and support when this fragile house of cards begins to collapse.  Many Black women are shamed for being vulnerable and attempting to connect with others for support.  Trey Anthony bravely blows the lid off the secret suffering of Black women past and present.  Trey shines the light on every part of a Black woman’s life and invites them to journey with her on the path to discover, live and enjoy life as it’s truly meant to be lived – full, rich and free as one’s authentic self.

Trey Anthony, with candid compassion, addresses the lack of healthy boundaries in relationships that are a part of modern day slavery that seeks to suppress the power of a Black woman’s inner strength and dignity.  She invites Black women to release themselves from the shackles of over-responsibility, over-thinking and over-achieving. She encourages strong self-care practices, safe community, opportunities for learning and growth, and empowering spirituality. 

Trey Anthony invites Black women to no longer suppress their thoughts, opinions and emotions but to allow space for the wealth of all their beliefs, values and attitudes to have a voice.  Trey Anthony acknowledges that when Black women have freedom of expression then the next generation of Black women and families will then be free in all their Black power.

Grace R.A. Brown, Registered Psychotherapist, Clinical Supervisor, Family Counselling Centre of Cambridge & North Dumfries

Book excerpt:   Therapy is not just for white women-no matter what your momma told you!  After a lifetime of never truly relating to the personal development experts because of the color of her skin, Trey Anthony has written the book she needed to read as a black woman trying to navigate a world filled with unique challenges that often acts like she doesn’t exist.  On the outside Trey Anthony was the overachieving, reliable, and strong black woman she was raised to be, but on the inside the pressure of sacrificing her own needs to please others was building. When her grandmother and mother raised her strong, they also unknowingly taught her that self-love and expressing emotions were weak, creating an unhealthy dynamic that had Trey facing burnout and rock bottom.
In Black Girl in Love (with Herself), Trey breaks down the lessons and tools that she used to heal her life, including how to:

  • Set clear and healthy boundaries-even with the people who raised you
  • Quit being the family ATM
  • Sort out who is a real friend, and who is just there for parties and gossip
  • Confront macroaggressions at work without missing a beat
  • Forget who Black women are “supposed” to be and fall in love with yourself!